Sunday, January 3, 2016
I have come to believe that there is beauty -- even a comfort -- in uncertainty. That probably sounds counter-intuitive, given that we humans tend to crave certainty and seek ways to reduce or avoid risk. I have found that when I'm in a state of uncertainty, I have the opportunity to release my expectations of how things should turn out or how I wish them to be. Uncertainty forces me to relinquish my false sense of control and to be one with what is. Never was that more real to me than a few years ago when a benign tumor pressing on my spinal cord rendered me paralyzed from just above the waist down. I was taken by ambulance to a larger city hospital after an MRI revealed the reason for my mysterious, spontaneous paralysis. The neurosurgeon cautioned my husband and me that surgery, though imminent, wasn't necessarily going to reverse the problem. He was only cautiously optimistic that I would walk again. I made the decision then to hang onto my faith and hope and to allow things to unfold as they were. The shifting sands under my paralyzed feet made for some challenging traversing mentally, physically and spiritually, but my decision to embrace uncertainty rid it of its power over me. Thankfully, I did heal and I did regain my ability to walk. No one would know when I walk my normal fast clip these days that at one time, I didn't know if I'd ever walk again. Now, when I begin to go down the dark, fear-filled path that uncertainty thrives on drawing me down, I try to stop, breathe deeply and seek peace with what is. A peaceful countenance stops the scrambling and lifts me up out of uncertainty's mire and onto smoother footing. A mindful, peace-filled, hope-filled state. Yes, there is comfort in that.